"Dealing with the loss of my two babies"

6.6.10

10:06pm

ABQ home.

I have been away from my blog, I think the last time a wrote a blog was back in 06, someone once told me that, writing out your feelings will
help me deal with my losses.

catching you guys all up-to speed, I fell for this really beautiful Apache girl, that I cherish dearly, when we first met, it was forever, we loved each other so much, that nothing can tear us apart. We decided to make a baby, because we knew we were going to be together for a very long time. She was from cali and I was from new mexico, I knew I could handle the long distance, but I wonder if she can.

Feb. 1st 2010, She told me she went to see the doctor, I'd receive the best news ever, that I was going to be a father and a daddy, we already gave the baby a name JACOB. we called it Jacob, she would tell me she has craving for chocolate and hamburgers.

One photo message she sent me was a huge order of In-n-out burger, shake, burger, and fries. I was proud of her eating habit, I was like " baby you can eat whatever you want, and I won't say anything I promise". I wish I could still have the words and the photo that she sent that day.

We've been having problem in our relationship, with our trust issues, examples family, friends, social site, religion, moving. I was understanding but I wish I could be there living in the same town, my words got the best of me, I wish I could do it all over again.

May 21 2010, she gave birth to our little boy jacob, jacob was born a stillborn, in a text message she said he had black hair with huge hands and toes like his papa. I was the depressed father knowing we lossed our son, and she put the blame on me, I took a trip there, and was different seeing her stomach, there was a heaviness in the air.

sorry i'm not strong to write the rest.