"Dealing with the loss of my two babies"

6.6.10

10:06pm

ABQ home.

I have been away from my blog, I think the last time a wrote a blog was back in 06, someone once told me that, writing out your feelings will
help me deal with my losses.

catching you guys all up-to speed, I fell for this really beautiful Apache girl, that I cherish dearly, when we first met, it was forever, we loved each other so much, that nothing can tear us apart. We decided to make a baby, because we knew we were going to be together for a very long time. She was from cali and I was from new mexico, I knew I could handle the long distance, but I wonder if she can.

Feb. 1st 2010, She told me she went to see the doctor, I'd receive the best news ever, that I was going to be a father and a daddy, we already gave the baby a name JACOB. we called it Jacob, she would tell me she has craving for chocolate and hamburgers.

One photo message she sent me was a huge order of In-n-out burger, shake, burger, and fries. I was proud of her eating habit, I was like " baby you can eat whatever you want, and I won't say anything I promise". I wish I could still have the words and the photo that she sent that day.

We've been having problem in our relationship, with our trust issues, examples family, friends, social site, religion, moving. I was understanding but I wish I could be there living in the same town, my words got the best of me, I wish I could do it all over again.

May 21 2010, she gave birth to our little boy jacob, jacob was born a stillborn, in a text message she said he had black hair with huge hands and toes like his papa. I was the depressed father knowing we lossed our son, and she put the blame on me, I took a trip there, and was different seeing her stomach, there was a heaviness in the air.

sorry i'm not strong to write the rest.

today i realize i'm not the fastest or better runner, i found out that im not going to
run against the worlds best or nations greatest. i feel like blogging would help me
release some stress, right now im watching kiss kiss bang bang..

well today is a brand new day!!!

I woke up early this morning and felt very good...like something is going to happen, also I got my Flu Shot this morning. I'm very sore from yesterday run (1:30min)
Today I have two classes and my weekend begins..I happy that my canindate won the elections...I happy tomorrow payday...

things are going good for me!!!

TTYL People

today is november 6th, I don't know who to vote for, so I'm not going to vote at all.
how's life, hmm let me think, well the past two weeks ever since mid terms have gone by so fast, and now it's hard to catch up, this is the final push, well I'm going to give it everything that I have!! I'm going to push it to the limit!!!
well blog catch you later

yesterday was halloween, damn it was a busy day for me! I went to class and practice on my Bank Shots, and did a thirty minute speed workout. afterwards I went to KFC to pick up twenty four buckets of chicken, and when I came back I started working again!
(why) I didn't go to sleep until my job was complete and now today I started to experience sleep deprivation (damn). right now at this exact moment I getting ready to head out to lunch.

damn today I feel I am pist off at the entire world. Everything that I wanted is not the way that it is going. I feel like running a hundred miles or punching a wall. i need a better way to release my fustration and anger. some of the things that make me angry friends, school, activities, and where i live yet my algebra teacher. well I better get to my english class!!!

my first blog yes!